Changing the Narrative
Inspirational people…
It’s been a while again since I last posted, I hope this blog finds you well and enjoying the festive preparations. Life here continues to be busy, but generally good busy. As always anxiety levels fluctuate depending on activities and head space to manage it, tricky at the start of the month but settling down again now. Blimey I sound like I’m reporting the weather don’t I!
I have just started supporting a new project at work and I have the pleasure to be working with a couple of amazing women. Their field of expertise is around obesity and they are working to change the narratives often associated with the disease. One of them recently delivered a TED talk about this exact topic and it really struck a chord with me. She talks about obesity being a visible disease and because of that some people think that gives them a right to judge the person, whereas someone with another disease that doesn’t show outwardly, doesn’t attract the same attention and criticism.
There are many reasons and underlying causes for obesity but often it is assumed that it is all a direct result of an individual making a decision to essentially not look after their body, but as with mental health it’s often not that simple.
Judgement…
You might think it is wrong of me to compare obesity and mental health, I am not directly comparing the two and people who live with either or both of these conditions (including myself) will have different experiences, each will impact theirs lives in different ways. What it did made me think is you can see why many may choose not to share that they have mental health issues for the fear of being judged as many with obesity are.
There are outdated narratives out there about obesity and mental health and I feel that there are people who would judge and say it’s for the individual to just sort themselves out and take control which of course if only it were that easy! It is people like these two ladies who are working hard to change the way people talk and think about obesity to reduce the stigma and the impact this has on the individuals. As you know this is what my blog is about but for mental health.
Talk, talk, talk…
These things are never going to change over night, in fact it will likely take years for thinking to change when it’s so embedded in society but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least try, it has to start somewhere right?
I write this blog when I feel I have some new thoughts to share, something that might resonate with someone else out there, that might just get that one person thinking. I do truly believe talking makes a difference firstly to the individual to help them find and build a support network (which I did just today, it’s not easy but it’s a huge help) and secondly to make it more ‘normal’ to talk about how we feel. Again changing the narrative that things like this have to stay in your head, it’s no good for you as an individual but also helps others understand your behaviours and decisions when sometimes they may seem like you aren’t you!
Finally…
As we head to the end of yet another year, thank you to those reading the blog, I truly hope it helps (thank you to those who have fed back too ), thank you to my friends and family for being my support network, it means so much.
Wishing you all a very merry Christmas and happy and healthy new year C x
Breaking the cycle
Another half year gone…
How is it it July already? I know they say time goes faster the older you get but it really does seem to go past so fast the past few years. It’s been some time since I last wrote and the last post was a bit different. I’ve never wanted to put a schedule in as I want it to be when I feel there is something genuine brewing in my head that might be of help or comforting to someone (to know it’s not just them) to share. It seems today is one of those times.
A bit off colour…
I’ve not been feeling too good this week, some sort of bug I reckon, tummy ache and upset tummy, no energy, feeling tired and sleepy. Although feeling significantly better, it is taking some shifting with symptoms returning after eating. Well everyone gets these things don’t they so you are probably thinking why are you writing an anxiety blog post to tell us you’ve had a bug?
Anxiety or not?…
It seems for me anything stomach related seems to end up with me questioning is it the anxiety causing it? You could say does it matter if you feel unwell you feel unwell. While this is true, you don’t want it to be the anxiety because it somehow then doesn’t feel genuine. I am fairly certain it didn’t start out from that (one of the kids has been feeling off too), there wasn’t any clear trigger, but then I can’t help questioning if it’s turned into that. Chances are again no, it’s just taking a few days to get it out of my system but…
The cycle…
My head then has got itself stuck in a cycle of overthinking, a very common symptom of generalised anxiety disorder, one I have mentioned I seem to be inflicted with quite a lot, in all aspects of life. I have some social events coming over the next week or two, all of which I don’t want to miss and am looking forward to, but there is this cloud overhead which is saying what if your tummy still isn’t well? You have outings on consecutive days which do you take your precautions for and which do you risk having issues? All the while I wonder if this overthinking is causing the current upset tummy so it just feels like you can’t win.
How to break the cycle…
I don’t really know to be honest it’s just not that easy is it. I know I need to stop clumping everything together and tackle one at a time. I have to think there is nothing I absolutely have to do or couldn’t call time on if I needed to, take some of the pressure off. Of course anyone with anxiety knows it’s not that simple, but it’s the best I can do and I know from experience that most of the time things have a way of working out. It would be nice to just look forward to things and not have the mental exhaustion that comes with the overthinking but then I guess I wouldn’t be writing a blog because I wouldn’t have anxiety!
A little off topic
Happy New Year…
Can I still say that when we are more than half way through the month? Anyway, I hope you had a lovely Christmas and it wasn’t too difficult to navigate. Only a few weeks in but lots going on in my head at the moment, not exactly related to my anxiety, yet, but something I have had in my mind for sometime to be cautious of. Lots of thought has gone into if I should write this one as it feels very personal in a different way to when I talk about my anxiety issues but the same principle applies in that it is something that is just not talked about enough so isn’t understood and therefore can make you feel ashamed, so I thought what the hell in for a penny in for a pound, I either want to try and help or I don’t.
Perimenopause…
There we go, said it now! So I have of course heard people talk about the menopause, hot flushes mainly, but in the past also some mention of how during that time people who had never had anxiety really struggled with it, so its not a time in my life I am particularly looking forward to reaching. What I didn’t know about was perimenopause. I suspect like many women, I watched the Davina McCall documentaries and I was like oh that’s a thing! Fast forward and yep I reckon that’s now me, I get to be part of that 13million women in the population of the UK currently in the ‘gang’.
The signs…
I would say thinking back there have been a few clues over the past 6-12 months but there are so many other things you can attribute them too, being tired, anxiety to name but two, and they would come and go. There is also I’m only 43, isn’t it a thing when you are in your 50’s? Since Christmas there seems to have been more frequency of the symptoms, the key one is forgetting words mid sentence and I just don’t quite feel myself, so I decided to order a couple of books to read up. Preparing for the Perimenopause and Menopause by Louise Newson is just great, I read it all in one afternoon. So much information on symptoms, what they are but also why they happen, it really is great to understand it, and actually its not unusual at my age at all! Looking at the symptom checker in the book I would say there are a fair few I haven’t experienced yet, the hot flushes for one, but I could relate to brain fog, generally feeling low and not sure why, tired, night sweats, difficulty concentrating, palpitations. The second book is Davina McCall’s Menopausing, I have started that one and again really informative and honest and lots of stories from other women.
Shh…
What seems to come through really strong in what I have read so far is its like a taboo subject that women just don’t talk about and that resonates so much with anxiety and mental health in general. One of the biggest impacts on women going through perimenopause is on their mental health, the feeling they can’t do their job, that they are failing as a parent, unable to concentrate and articulate clearly things they have been able to in the past and know inside out. It also seems the lack of knowledge and awareness is present in the medical profession, with many stories of women going back to the GP on many occasions and being misdiagnosed (especially if under 45) and just not getting the help they need (due in the most part to a lack in training for GP’s on the subject), I can’t imagine how difficult that must be.
An uprising…
The very first line of her book Davina says ‘Menopausing is more than just a book, it’s a movement. An UPRISING’ so this is my small contribution to that uprising, sharing my story, raising some awareness. For me personally, I feel like just the extra understanding I have is enough for now, it feels very early in this stage of my life, symptoms come and go and aren’t extreme enough yet to cause me too much worry. I do feel confident that when things are getting too much I could go to see my GP and be happy to ask for support, the developments in HRT are comforting to read about and sound like they have many benefits not only for perimenopause and menopause symptoms directly but to maintain needed hormone levels to lessen the chances of developing other serious conditions in the future. That of course is very much an individual decision but good to know options.
As always I hope this has been of help to someone out there, until next time, take care and keep talking!
Ho ho ho
Merry Christmas…
If you have been following my blogs over the years (almost 7 years!) you will know I tend to write a blog around this time of year, either Christmas or New Year. I will likely be saying some of the same things but it can be a difficult time of year for people with anxiety so I feel it is important to write so you know it’s not just you!
Mixed feelings…
People who know me, know I love Christmas, the lights, the films, the music, the excitement all of it but it also comes with its challenges. If your anxiety is triggered by nights out, social situations and such like it can also be a tiring time of year as anxiety levels rise. This year is no different for me and I am already feeling it.
In a couple of weeks we are flying off to be on holiday for Christmas, I am very much looking forward to it, sun, food, drinks, family and time to relax. But this is a big trip for me so every time I think about it or talk about it there is the excitement followed by the hit of anxiety.
Hidden strength…
I already have a number of tattoos (bear with me this does link to the post!) one is a feather representing strength and another says within it ‘you got this’ to remind me I can manage situations. Yesterdays new one is a dual meaning. So it’s a tree with colour splashes representing the seasons, the thinking here is no matter what a tree is facing the hidden roots keep it strong, to handle what it’s tackling on the outside, it might not always look pretty but it stays strong. The other is a representation of family, within the design I have seven hearts representing my family, who’s support adds to my strength.
Find your way…
Of course I’m not suggesting everyone with anxiety needs to go out and get tattoos and they do not take away any anxiety, for me they are just a reminder that, even though it’s hard at times, in the majority of situations I do manage to find an inner strength from somewhere to get me through. It’s not always easy to get there but I hope you also can see your strength.
Check in…
It’s a super busy time but if you are struggling still have a chat with family and friends, I am sure they will always be able to make time, and if you are one of the family and friends of someone you know struggles please do check in with them just to see how they are feeling, it really does help people to not feel alone.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Claire x
The meaning of words
Resilience…
The dictionary definition: ‘the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.’
I hear the term thrown around every now and then, ‘they need to be more resilient’ or ‘that team need to build their resilience’ that sort of thing and it just really grates on me. For one there is a limit to how much people can be pushed and how much they can take, this varies from person to person but generally when I hear this sort of thing it’s about an overworked, under supported team who will have been working their backsides off for a long time and just can’t do it anymore.
When it comes to it being said about an individual, I think I dislike the word even more! People might say that about me when I am struggling, my answer to that would be I am more resilient than you will ever know, if I didn’t have the capacity to recover quickly or the strength to get through the tough bits I wouldn’t function on pretty much a daily basis. Having anxiety is completely draining and keeping going when it’s particularly bad takes so much inner strength, I would argue people with mental health issues are more resilient than most. When they get to the point they can’t keep up the front or tackle something it’s because you can’t sustain it indefinitely.
There is also something to be said for balance in all areas of your life, if most things are going pretty well and stable then something comes along at home or work can deal with it but if there are difficulties in multiple areas things become a lot harder to manage and juggle where your energy goes.
Weaknesses…
The dictionary definition: an inadequate or defective quality, as in a person’s character; slight fault or defect
Again another word I really don’t like, recently I was in a situation where we were asked if we are aware if our weaknesses and how they effect our team. This made me feel uncomfortable as it gives you a sense of failing, the terminology just feels wrong and so negative, so when I gave my answer I flipped it slightly.
I said I try to not look at them as weaknesses but opportunities for growth, things to work on and develop, a weakness of mine could be described as my confidence, but actually I have come so far with this I have grown and I have developed through the support of others. It is so easy to be critical of ourselves and think we aren’t good enough without a focus being put on what you aren’t good at.
Some would definitely class my anxiety as a weakness and some days it would feel as if that is true, but actually what’s it’s given me is a much better understanding of who I am, an awareness of others, a deeper level of empathy and I would say they are definite strengths.
World Mental Health Awareness Day…
So that’s today the 10th October, a prompter for writing the blog but also a note to say I am here to listen if chatting will help. An ask to anyone reading this, check in with someone today, perhaps someone who has been a bit quieter recently or not seemed themselves, just ask are you ok? Fancy a cuppa or a chat? It could be just what someone needs. Take care
Off we sailed
Out at sea…
Wow more than three months since my last blog, you may remember I was feeling worried about a trip with work to Europe, well that all happened last week and it was quite the trip so, as ever, and following some very positive feedback last blog post (which has encouraged me to keep writing), I am going to share in the hope it helps people out there.
So you may be wondering why the reference to the sea? Well we actually ended up travelling by boat rather than flying, it meant we could visit multiple Universities all in one trip while saving money on the comparative version flying and hotels etc so off we went setting sail from Southampton.
I would say about an hour in I got a sharp dose of reality, I don’t think it had all felt real up until that point, all the hours of planning and prep but it was as if it was going to be someone else going not me. It literally hit me like a tidal wave, the anxiety that is (I can’t promise that will be the last pun!). I wouldn’t say it was quite a full on panic attack but I didn’t feel far from it struggling to stay composed. I just thought oh my god what in earth am I doing, I can’t do this, Ivor (hubby) my rock, my support isn’t here, I can’t do this alone.
Time out…
To avoid a full meltdown on deck I took myself off to the cabin, I did then pretty much have a full meltdown, it wasn’t a pretty site to be fair but I think I just had to get it out, get the fear out, realise I actually have to do this, I couldn’t exactly get off in the middle of the sea.
I think reflecting back, it seems slightly irrational but also feels like something I needed to do, like a reset, so I could say ok enough now, we are where we are for the next week I need to deal with each day at a time.
Making new connections…
So to the reason for the trip, to visit new institutions, find out about their research, how they collaborate and connect, what we can learn from them and tell them about the work we do. These visits involved travelling by taxi, coach, walking a fair distance, so you can imagine time away from facilities for my peace of mind never mind the feeling of what happens if I don’t feel great when I am there.
This was such a great opportunity I knew I had to do it, I made my usual preparations, it was hard, I felt rubbish as always but I did go to all the visits and I am so pleased I did. I would say it was one of the most rewarding weeks of my career, we were made to feel so welcome by everyone, they wanted to impress us (we thought we were trying to impress them!), the meetings went on far longer than scheduled just because there was so much to talk about. It’s early days but I know we have made some lasting relationships and we can work together and collaborate going forwards so mission accomplished.
Feeling proud…
As the week was drawing to a close, we had made our final visit and were heading back for the UK, I sat back and thought about all I had done, all I had achieved. It might not seem much to most, so I made some visits and presented to some people, but to me doing it, being fully present, I actually felt really proud of myself. Dealing with heightened anxiety multiple days in a row is hard, it literally zaps your energy but I did it all, even did a bit of cycling in some free time!
Of course I would rather not feel like it at all but it is so important to recognise the good bits, the achievements, the successes.
I have the best team mates ever…
I am very lucky to have worked with some amazing, lovely, supportive, kind people in my career and am very proud to call those people my friends. I am also very lucky that has continued in the role I am in now with new colleagues. I literally could not have done everything I did last week without their support, they would say different but they honestly don’t know how much it makes all the difference to know you don’t have to pretend, to be able to be honest about how you are feeling and what is worrying you and them still say it’s ok we’ve got your back. Amanda, Clare and Jen thank you so very much.
Back on dry land…
So here we are, back on dry land, back to the more traditional day job but with a new enthusiasm, many many ideas and a big report to write on our findings!
As always I hope I can take forward the positives from the trip and try not to dwell too much on the struggles, I hope it will give me a little more strength to tackle the next challenge on the horizon.
Take care until next time, Claire
Eat, Sleep, Anxiety, Repeat
OK so not quite…
Trying to think of what to call a blog post feels important, this just sprung to mind, its not like that every day for which I am very grateful as some people do face this, but it is a frustrating cycle when a few things crop up. I did google the phrase just out of interest to see if anything came up and was interested to find Amazon selling a t-shirt with the phrase on it! Might pass on that one!
Linked or not…
Its easy to link other things to anxiety, so if you are feeling a little unwell, general ‘normal’ worries, a lack of self confidence. With the last one I think there has to be a link, I don’t remember feeling this was an issue when I was younger. I think it is very much a symptom of the over thinking patterns that come with anxiety, the over analysing of comments, situations, thoughts.
I have been offered the chance to manage a project at work, its sounds like a really great project and a great opportunity for me to be challenged, gain experience and contribute to something that will help others. What you will notice is a chance to demonstrate my skills and ability didn’t appear there, and that is because my immediate thoughts were that someone else would be able to do it better, do I really have the experience and skills to be able to deliver on something so important? I think everyone is mistaken and the other stuff I do accept I have done well, doesn’t qualify me to do this.
I have spoken to a few colleagues about it, all of whom are very supportive, think it is a great opportunity and that I can do it and do it well. I now of course have over analysed that and feel like a bit of an idiot for sharing with the person giving me the opportunity that I’m not sure I’m good enough and are they sure someone else couldn’t do a better job! Doh!
I then of course get frustrated with myself for it, I CAN DO THIS!!! I NEED TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF
Free trip to Europe eeek…
So you get told an application has been accepted foR 3 lovely colleagues and myself to visit another University in a European country to see how they do what we do, learn from them and share what we do. Everyone else is pleased at the news, me? Nope! Panic! My anxiety went up through the roof skywards.
It must seem ridiculous really when this Christmas I will be flying to Miami and boarding a cruise ship for 10 days visiting numerous places to then have a long flight home so why would a short flight, less time away cause this reaction?
Its a control thing…
I have spoke about this in previous blogs, but the difference is the control I perceive I have or, more so, that I don’t. Its also timings, they are very important for my ‘preparations’. So when I go to America, I will ensure I take anti-diarrhoea medication at the right time so I know my anxiety won’t set off my tummy and I won’t be ill on the plane. Once on the ship I have a safe place of my cabin to be if I need too, I know by now the schedule for medication wearing off, what that means, when to then plan to be on the ship near facilities and when I can take more ‘precautions’ to venture further afield and indeed prepare for the flight home.
With the work trip my immediate thoughts are the only bit I can control is ensuring I am ok for the flight out, after that it could be anything. So at present I am trying not to look at it as this massive big thing, we need to decide where we are going and for how long and what we might do when we are there, then I can try to break it down and see how, and ultimately if, I feel I can do it. The thing I want too do it, it would be a great experience and great people to do it with but unfortunately sometimes that cannot override the anxiety.
Best get on…
Enough rambling from me for one day, I am ‘prepared’ for my lunch out in one respect but now have a much bigger issue of, do I actually have anything to wear thats not jogging bottoms and a t-shirt!!
Seriously though, feel a bit conscious writing this one, exposing my current issues when I’m already feeling a bit of a div but again I do it in the hope its helping others and while I keep getting messages from people when I post confirming they get it or can relate then I think its really important to share my reality of this.
Enjoy the sunshine
Claire x
It’s not ok
Sometimes you hear things, comments people make, some deliberate, some off the cuff and you realise that there is still so far to go with raising awareness of mental health issues and what that means. There are still people who think it’s just an excuse some use to have time off work or not take part in something, that it’s something they would never have a problem with because they are stronger than that. This makes me angry!
If they understood anything…
I’m not naive enough to think that there aren’t people out there who may exaggerate or indeed fake issues to get time off work I’m sure there are, but that will be a minority of people. If they understood what mental health is or how it effects people in very different ways, or if they had someone close to them with issues maybe they would change their tune. I don’t of course wish issues on anyone but it would be good if they could walk a day in another persons shoes, see what it’s like to be anxious, or overwhelmed, or depressed, or scared maybe that would give an insight.
Not helpful…
As it is their comments are doing the opposite to what is needed, reinforcing that it’s right there is a stigma attached to mental health, that it’s not a real thing, that you just need to pull yourself together, that we need to be tough on these people as they are letting others down, with no thought that that’s exactly what people with issues may be thinking so to hear it will reinforce it to them and make the problem worse. This is why people find it difficult to talk about their mental health for fear of being judged. With around 1 in 4 people in the UK experiencing a mental health problem at any given point it is likely we all know more than one person, if you think you know no one then maybe that’s because they don’t feel they can speak about it, not necessarily because of you but fearing what people in general will think.
Challenge the comments…
I have an ask for anyone reading this that agrees with me and thinks things need to change, if you do hear people make negative comments about mental health and feel you can please challenge what they say. I know this is not always easy or appropriate and I’m not saying if you overhear someone in a shop confront them, but maybe if it’s a group of friends or family or colleagues. The only way things will change is if people realise this is a real thing, it has huge impacts on peoples lives and it CAN affect anyone no one has immunity.
We are all different…
I will just finish by picking up on point from earlier, people experience mental health very differently, so all people with anxiety won’t follow the same path to get on top or manage their condition. The level of anxiety you have can vary a lot from mild occasional problems to severe where you may not be able to leave the house. It also varies for that person on a day to day month to month basis, there are times when it all feels much more manageable and then other times is that much harder, ‘you were alright last week when you did xyz’ is not helpful and hey we know! Burnout from stress may mean someone needs a long period of time out to get back on an even keel, for some this time, along with support, will get them back on the right track, for others it may reoccur if conditions remain the same or worsen when they return to work, you cannot compare.
I realise that if you are reading this I am probably preaching to the converted, but it’s good to remember not everyone thinks like we do and supports people in the way we do.
Take care x
Bring on 2022
I can’t believe we are at the end of another year already, time really does seem to be passing by so quickly these past couple of years. I think a lot of us set off in 2021 with hopes of seeing the back of the pandemic and life returning back to normal, whatever that may be. Hasn’t quite panned out like that has it!
Tough at times…
There have been some difficult times this year, my mum in law was diagnosed with a condition called amyloidosis and also bone cancer, after her illness progressed rapidly, she moving into a care home and sadly passed away in September. She has been very much missed especially over Christmas a time she would spend with us.
I think combinations of situations have proved to be a little tough this year, at times there has been a lot going on at work and for some prolonged periods and this has been quite hard. It’s always easier to manage if one area of life is ok when the balance shifts not quite so easy.
On the flip side…
There have also been happy times, times for celebration. My children got fantastic GCSE results which has allowed them to move to the next stage in their education and towards their ultimate goals of being a zoo keeper and pilot! (Still not sure what I would like to be when I grow up!). I successfully interviewed and secured a job so I could stay where I have loved working for the past couple of years. We had a new addition to our family, Luna the cocker spaniel puppy, she is a complete whirlwind but a joy and brings a smile to our faces.
I have taken up several new hobbies, having painting lessons and learning to knit. As you know I am a huge advocate of crafting being good for your mental health.
I managed to catch covid the week before Christmas so was in quarantine until Boxing Day, you might think why is that not in the previous section but you know what, although I felt rough for a while, I am very thankful to have been able to be double jabbed which meant I had relatively minor symptoms compared to some.
Support…
I know I pretty much say this every blog post but it remains true, through the tricky times it has once again shown what great support I am very lucky to have around me, from family and friends to colleagues it helps you feel stronger to tackle what you need too.
I know others who have had a tough year like I’m sure many of you will, if indeed it’s not yourself, I hope you and they have support and not just that initial are you ok but continued sustained support, whether it’s a bereavement, issues at home or work, or mental health issue these things rarely just go away and you feel better after a couple of weeks so knowing people are still around a mont, six months, a year after is valuable indeed.
“Asking for help isn’t giving up” said the horse, “it’s refusing to give up”
I got bought The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse book by Charlie Mackery for Christmas and I have to say I love it, so many wise words and thoughts, things that make you really think and say yeah I get that. The above quote is one that I hope people out there who are struggling but think they need and should be able to push on and carry on can have a think about. As much as there has been plenty of awareness raising over the past few years about mental health it still feels different to physical health in that it can be shaken off and just sorted, and that’s from many who are struggling not just those looking in. It’s really not that easy is it!
It can be so very hard making that first step, uncertainty, fear of making things worse, needing to carry on for others and even then it won’t likely be an easy road but ultimately, eventually, whether in 6 months or 6 years I’m sure that first step will be something they are glad they made. Looking after yourself is the key, others can help and support, you can even then help others too but you need to support yourself first.
So onto 2022…
I’m sure it will be more of the same in many ways, tough times, easier times, celebrations. I will try to do more of what I love, spend time with family and friends, take time for me too. One final quote to finish on…
“Always remember you matter, you’re important and you are loved, and you bring to this world things no one else can”
Happy new year, wishing you a happy, healthy 2022 Claire x
Not guilty your honour
Thought I had better say straight off, no I’ve not been in trouble with the law! Ha ha. I started writing this post a couple of weeks ago when life was feeling a little overwhelming if I’m honest, but I couldn’t quite put the words together. So today after doing a bit of reflecting I felt it was a good time to complete it.
Life’s a little busy right now…
There has a lot been going on in life over the past few months, the kids have started sixth form and college, my mum in law is very poorly, we got a puppy, I’ve been covering a role temporarily at work. You might think ok but most of that’s no so bad, and perhaps not, for me they all bring worry and overthinking. Will the kids settle. will they be able to get there on public transport. will they make friends. are they going to be happy? I need to make sure they are ok!
My mum in law has become ill quite quickly and there have been big decisions about treatment and care homes, of course these are not my decisions as such but my husband and I are a team and I am there to support and help him and we of course both want to do the best thing for her.
So the puppy, yes she is lovely, she is bonkers, much of the time it’s ok but then when her and our other dog aren’t getting on it’s just so full on and worry one of them will get hurt. Will we ever all be able to go out as a family and leave them home alone?
Lastly the job, well let’s say it’s been a very busy 4 months, covering a role that’s not necessarily in my comfort zone or skill set for that matter. Along with this some elements of my previous role and the new one I will start tomorrow. There have been some very long days and it all adds up.
Judge and jury…
So when I read what I’ve just written it’s like really Claire seriously what are you talking about pull yourself together, why did that overwhelm you? I think to try and explain it’s the time I spend thinking about these things and the judging, I should be doing better at the job, if I was doing a good job there wouldn’t be so much left to do. I should be doing more to support the kids, I should be able to look after a puppy and stop the dogs fighting. What if I’ve influenced my husbands decisions regarding his mum and it’s not the right thing? Could I be doing more to help her? Then add to that what I think other people will be thinking.
Not guilty…
So move on two weeks, time to reflect, finishing the job cover, kids settling in, dogs sort of getting on sometimes. I don’t need to feel guilty right?! Just doesn’t feel that easy at the time though but then guess that’s the nature of anxiety and overthinking if it was that easy it wouldn’t be a problem!
I see it a lot where people feel guilty because of the way they are managing with life, especially when I hear them compare to other peoples situations and they say I shouldn’t moan or I should be able to manage, look what they are going through. But I always think it’s relative isn’t it. If it effects us, our mental health, our wellbeing, our ability to be ourselves then there is no comparison.
Take a little time…
It’s easy to lose time for yourself when life is busy, but I have managed to find some recently, even took up a new hobby having a go at knitting. I know I have said this in the past, but I definitely see the benefit in some time out for yourself, whatever you enjoy, craft, exercise, watch a film. Time to switch off.
Remember, when things are tough you’re not the only one struggling, please talk to someone if you can it really does help
My Anxiety and Me 
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