Not guilty your honour

Thought I had better say straight off, no I’ve not been in trouble with the law! Ha ha. I started writing this post a couple of weeks ago when life was feeling a little overwhelming if I’m honest, but I couldn’t quite put the words together. So today after doing a bit of reflecting I felt it was a good time to complete it.

Life’s a little busy right now…

There has a lot been going on in life over the past few months, the kids have started sixth form and college, my mum in law is very poorly, we got a puppy, I’ve been covering a role temporarily at work. You might think ok but most of that’s no so bad, and perhaps not, for me they all bring worry and overthinking. Will the kids settle. will they be able to get there on public transport. will they make friends. are they going to be happy? I need to make sure they are ok!

My mum in law has become ill quite quickly and there have been big decisions about treatment and care homes, of course these are not my decisions as such but my husband and I are a team and I am there to support and help him and we of course both want to do the best thing for her.

So the puppy, yes she is lovely, she is bonkers, much of the time it’s ok but then when her and our other dog aren’t getting on it’s just so full on and worry one of them will get hurt. Will we ever all be able to go out as a family and leave them home alone?

Lastly the job, well let’s say it’s been a very busy 4 months, covering a role that’s not necessarily in my comfort zone or skill set for that matter. Along with this some elements of my previous role and the new one I will start tomorrow. There have been some very long days and it all adds up.

Judge and jury…

So when I read what I’ve just written it’s like really Claire seriously what are you talking about pull yourself together, why did that overwhelm you? I think to try and explain it’s the time I spend thinking about these things and the judging, I should be doing better at the job, if I was doing a good job there wouldn’t be so much left to do. I should be doing more to support the kids, I should be able to look after a puppy and stop the dogs fighting. What if I’ve influenced my husbands decisions regarding his mum and it’s not the right thing? Could I be doing more to help her? Then add to that what I think other people will be thinking.

Not guilty…

So move on two weeks, time to reflect, finishing the job cover, kids settling in, dogs sort of getting on sometimes. I don’t need to feel guilty right?! Just doesn’t feel that easy at the time though but then guess that’s the nature of anxiety and overthinking if it was that easy it wouldn’t be a problem!

I see it a lot where people feel guilty because of the way they are managing with life, especially when I hear them compare to other peoples situations and they say I shouldn’t moan or I should be able to manage, look what they are going through. But I always think it’s relative isn’t it. If it effects us, our mental health, our wellbeing, our ability to be ourselves then there is no comparison.

Take a little time…

It’s easy to lose time for yourself when life is busy, but I have managed to find some recently, even took up a new hobby having a go at knitting. I know I have said this in the past, but I definitely see the benefit in some time out for yourself, whatever you enjoy, craft, exercise, watch a film. Time to switch off.

Remember, when things are tough you’re not the only one struggling, please talk to someone if you can it really does help

• Posted in: Anxiety